


Guilt and Nightmares

by nitohkousuke



Category: Kamen Rider Build
Genre: Blood, Gen, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:30:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitohkousuke/pseuds/nitohkousuke
Summary: Why couldn’t you stop him? Why couldn’t you save him? Why aren’t you strong enough? Why did you create that driver? He’s dead and it’s your fault.Sento has his first non-memory related Nightmare.Takes place sometime before Episode 19 but after Ryuuga getting the Sclash DriverSpoilers for all that involves.





	Guilt and Nightmares

His dreams are the tank. They are always the tank. They are always the green. Suffocating. When they’re nightmares at least. They are always the tank. And while each time he likes to think that maybe, there’s a scrap more of memory. There’s an hint of Katsuragi to his memory. There’s something even the tiniest scrap....There is never anything new.

Recently, his dreams have been...dreams? Pleasant. Not memories. Actual cooked up dreams. They are pleasant. Warm. They’ve made sleeping feel actually worth it for once. A sense of refreshment of...longing. There’s hand holding and family. There’s kissing. There’s smiles and Sento wakes up knowing that no matter what happens...this is his family. That he will fight for it. He will.

Even after Stark. Even after finding out he’s Katsuragi, though he really doesn’t sleep that night honestly, his dreams are still for the most part pleasant. Sento is still Sento after all and Anxiety and neuroticism are etched into his core far too deep for anything to ever yank that from him. He wonders if that’s Katsuragi’s or if that’s his. Or if that’s trauma from having his memory wiped and being repeatedly lied to. Perhaps it’s a combination of the three.

So when he closes his eyes and enters the dream world, and really he knows when that’s where he is. There’s a sense about it. A foggy tint to his sight. A sort of detachment. But when he does and it’s not memories. And Ryuuga is in front of him, his Sukajan displaying its pattern and colors that so Ryuuga, he is for a moment delighted. Where will his subconcious take him tonight?

And as quickly as his heart Soars, it sinks.

In front of Ryuuga is Grease. In Ryuuga’s hands is the Scalsh driver, a tool Sento wishes he never made. A tool he wishes that he could use instead. A tool that is going to kill Ryuuga if he doesn’t find a way to make himself stronger. Quickly.

Sento’s never had a nightmare like this, but he knows that’s what it is. And a part of him wonders what that means about his personality and his Psyche that he’s finally having one.

He opens his mouth to talk, but there are no words. He tries to move his legs, but he can’t he’s stuck. His hands move, and the sparking can dissolves in his fingers. Useless worthless. Those words feel etched on him. So smart. So capable. Unable to stop him. Unable to be stronger. 

Making another person fight for his sins. His sins that are stained upon him. Kasumi’s death. Ryuuga’s innocence....And now the damage from the sclash driver. Ryuuga is stained in his mistakes. In his sins. In everything that his fault. And now he’s fighting. Fighting because Sento isn’t strong enough. Sento isn’t good enough.

It isn’t right.

That alone fills him with......anger? Sadness? No. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt that he’s drowning in. He opens his mouth again and it pours from his lips instead of words. Because he can’t say anything. He can’t stop this. No matter what he does, Ryuuga won’t listen. He never does.

And the battle unfolds before him. His feet rooted to the ground. His bottles ash at his feet. His driver as worthless as he is.

Grease is stronger. It’s as simple as that. He’s stronger and his driver doesn’t hurt him like Ryuuga’s does. Another thing he’s at fault for. More blood on his hands.

Grease is stronger and Ryuuga is quickly at his limit. Sento can tell and he tries to scream but there are still no words. There are tears. Tears ever so slightly spilling. Sento doesn’t cry. Not really. Emotions are hard. Emotions are very very hard. But he is ever so slightly. It hurts.

Ryuuga falls to his knees. The transformation breaking. And as he does. Grease moves to unleash his finisher, and now Sento Screams. He screams. Anger, rage,...he screams fear. And his legs work. They work but there’s nothing he can do. Run as he might, Grease’s foot connects before Sento can do anything. And what would...what could he even do?

And like that. Sento can feel it. He can feel his life drained from him.

“No. No. No. NO. RYUUGA. YOU IDIOT.” Sento screams and pulls him close. There’s so much blood. There’s so much blood and Sento is going to be sick. He’s shaking. Shaking. His head is static and rage and guilt. Choking. Drowning. He tries to apply pressure, but he knows it’s no use. It’s no use.

Ryuuga looks up at him and smiles. His mouth opens but there’s no words. And then he reaches for him. But his hand falls quickly to his side. Gone. Gone.

No. No. NO.

Sento holds Ryuuga close to him. The tears flow hard and fast and angry. Like the guilt and sadness have finally started to leak from his person. Overflowing. Because now the blood on his hands is literal. And it isn’t fair he thinks. It isn’t fair. Why does he have to lose Ryuuga? Why does he have to lose his family? 

And....how many other people have lost people the loved because of him? How many other people have been hurt? Isn’t this karma? Isn’t this their justice? But why Ryuuga. He’s done nothing. He’s innocent. He’s done nothing to deserve this.

“Ryuuga...please...no....” Sento cries harder into his hair. One of his in his hair, fingers tracing the braids that he’s come to associate with him. “No...you can’t.....”

And there’s a scream. It’s Misora. She’s standing before him, hands on her mouth, eyes teary.

“...Sento.....Ryuuga’s...” She hiccups and shakes her head. “Why couldn’t you stop him? Why couldn’t you save him? Why aren’t you strong enough? Why did you create that driver? He’s dead and it’s your fault.”

And it is. It is his fault. This is all his fault. This is entirely his fault. And a part of him tries to poke holes in that logic. It’s the Pandora’s box’s fault. It’s Stark’s fault. Another part of him tries to scream this is a dream. It isn’t real.

And he knows that. But it doesn’t matter. The sight of Ryuuga and blood. The sheer knowledge that honestly, this is a very real future. A very real path his life can take.

And that shakes him to his core. It burns and it hurts. And he’s drowning in guilt and sadness and desperation.

And he wakes,  nearly falling out of his chair. Quietly of course because Sento has mastered the art of silent nightmares. Of having breakdowns and no one knowing because he’s done it so many times at this point and he’s the hero and he can’t afford to let anyone know. He can’t afford to let anyone be burdened with this. Not when so much is his fault. But this time, his face his already wet. He’s shaking. Nauseous to his core.

And he moves quietly, silently, around the room to look at Ryuuga snuggled into the rabbit plushie. The rise and fall of his chest is enough to soothe Sento just that bit to stop his tears.

But he knows. He knows that could happen. He knows there’s only so much he can do. Ryuuga won’t listen. He can try, but he won’t listen.

...Sento has to get stronger. Fast. No matter what it takes.

....This family might be hastily put together by circumstances and Stark’s Scheming...and he might barely be a person who’s personality is the scraps of a wiped hard drive...but

This family was his. And nothing, would take them from him.

No matter the cost. He would not lose them.


End file.
